Lord, Have Mercy

Filed under:life — posted by Sonja on December 14, 2012 @ 4:45 pm

Upon a poor sinner like me.

I wrote a simple prayer … but the prayer was obnoxious.  It absolved me of my communal guilt while heaping coals upon the heads of those tortured souls who shoot up school yards.

We live in a culture saturated with violence.  We have a long history of settling differences with violence, from the establishment of our nation in blood to our latest efforts at controlling far-flung populations with drones.  We are an angry, violent people who have no reason to be surprised by this evil among us.

What is my guilt?  I do not yet know the full extent of my collusion with the powers and authorities which make these actions possible.

Who’s Life Is It?

Filed under:children, faith, life, violence — posted by Sonja on January 30, 2012 @ 5:37 pm

So one night a couple months ago a friend asked me this question: “You have have been pregnant and had kids. At what point during your pregnancies were the children you carried your children? I mean, when did you consider them life? (not trying to start an argument, just trying to understand is all)”

She asked me in a chat window and made reference to something I posted on FaceBook concerning the beginning of life.  I am ashamed to say that I did not answer her right away and I went off-line.  It was not the kind of question I felt I could answer in a chat window.  I wanted to take my time working through a lot of angry thoughts I was having about the state of affairs in our country concerning women, pregnancy and the beginning of life right now.  I did not want to dump those on to my friend.  I needed to let the question percolate and I wanted to write about my thoughts more fully here.

My friend is correct, as all of you know, I have two children (the LightChildren).  But I’ve had four pregnancies.  Two pregnancies ended as live births and two ended as abortions.  One abortion was caused by medical professionals, one was caused by nature’s capriciousness.  Both of those pregnancies ended at about the same point – between 9 and 10 weeks.  You see, a miscarriage is medically classified as an “abortion.”  I didn’t know that until I read my chart in the emergency room.  I grieved after both pregnancies ended.  I was sad.  I was much sadder after the second (a planned pregnancy) than after the first (unplanned).  After the second I also felt a crushing sense of guilt because the thought occurred to me that the justice of a God who required an eye for an eye might have taken the second pregnancy in payment for the first.  I now recognize that this is not true.

So I began to think (after my friend posed her question) what was it that I was grieving?  Why was I sad at the end of those pregnancies?  When did I feel that my children’s lives began?

My best answer to that is … I don’t know when I actually considered my children to be alive and embodied with who they are (their soul, for lack of a better term).  It might have been when I first felt them move.  I know that when those two pregnancies ended I was not grieving actual people.  I was grieving dreams, potentials, wishes and hopes.  Far more were shattered when the second one ended capriciously than when the first ended as a planned event.  But even though I and LightHusband knew that first pregnancy had to end (for reasons far too complex to write about here), it was not something we did lightly or without sober thought.  Given the circumstances surrounding that pregnancy and the context we were in, I believe I would do it again.  My sense of loss and failure were the tightly woven warp amongst the weft of self-preservation, ability, and meeting expectations.

I know that for every reason given by every mother who makes that Hobbesian choice, there is a person out there who can counter with a Tebow like story of transcendent victory over obstacles with God’s grace or the assistance of some other natural intervention.  Yet there are an equal number of stories of children born into oblivion.  Mothers who have multiple children in their teens, but only one (if any) is given up for adoption.  The cycle of poverty, ignorance and misery is visited upon another generation.  For them the American dream is a nightmare of squalor, dependence, and terrible options.

We sit at a crossroads in our country right now.  No one is comfortable here and a lot of vitriol is being thrown around in attempts to regain comfort levels and upper hands.  People who support the right of a woman to be in control of her body and pregnancies are called by various factions, “Pro-choice” and “Pro-abortion.”  People who support the right of the fetus to exist to the limits of it’s potential are called variously, “Pro-life” and “Pro-fetus” or “Anti-Choice”.  The problem is that none of those labels are adequate.  People who support the right of a woman to be in control of her body are not running around promoting abortion (despite what anyone says).  I have yet to meet a single person who thinks it’s even a mediocre idea; it’s not a choice that anyone wants.  Believe me.  So saying that one is in favor of a choice you never want to make is like saying you love blood ice cream.  Gross.  What women are really saying is that they want freedom (and I’m going to get back to that in a minute).  On the flip side of the coin, those who support the existence of the fetus are not truly pro-life.  There are a few in that set of people who take on what might be called a consistent ethic of life positions (that is, they also reject war, death penalty, etc.) and thus are truly PRO-life.  However, most of the speaking on behalf of the fetus/baby has been just that … simply get the child born.  Once born (since the pro-life movement is primarily conservative) there is not very much support for it’s life after that should s/he be born into an impoverished family.

Boiled down, we have an impasse between mother and fetus.  What a terrible crossroads to be at … pitting mother against pre-child?  One set of people proposes that the mother’s rights are paramount.  The other side proposes that the fetuses rights are paramount.  Yet both sets of rights must inhabit the same body.  Both sets of rights (if we are going to grant rights to a fetus, and I am not certain that we should) may not be compatible with one another.

How have we gotten to this impasse?  Well, it’s been a twisty, windy road.  But I’ve lived through some of it.  So I’ll describe some of the view from my perspective.  Just as we’ve reached an impasse between mother and pre-child, we are also coming to an impasse between reason/science and faith.

Reason and science teach us many things about the pre-child.  But they cannot teach us when a child is given its soul; that breath of being that brings a sparkle to each of our eyes.  We know that a fetal monitor can find a heart beat at 8 weeks.  That at 12 weeks s/he is growing fingernails.  At 24 weeks a pre-child is considered “viable.”  Viable means that doctors and medical personnel can keep it alive outside the womb with costly medical equipment.  Whether or not the child will suffer permanent loss of different abilities (both physical and mental) as a result of these heroics seems to be capricious.  And when I looked up fetal development here is what I found for 25 weeks -

  • At 25 weeks pregnant, the structures of the spine begin to form — joints, ligaments and rings. These will protect the all important spinal cord which serves as the information transmitter for your child’s body.
  • Blood vessels of the lungs develop.
  • Your baby’s nostrils begin to open. There is a study out of Belfast that suggests babies at this stage have the capability of scent preferences!
  • The nerves around the mouth and lip area are showing more sensitivity now. When baby is rooting for food later on, these will be valuable!
  • His swallowing reflexes are developing at week 25 of your pregnancy.

Based on this, a baby born at 24 weeks would not have a spinal structure, nor blood vessels in the lungs and no swallowing reflexes!!  Getting a baby to survive under those circumstances is a miracle!  Some of them thrive.  But does a tiny baby born at 24 weeks have a soul?  Or is it a fetus outside the womb?  How would we know?

I have seen in the papers (read that on-line media) that politicians in various places want to introduce legislation that prohibit abortion … even in the case of incest and rape and even when the abortion is necessary to preserve the life of the mother.   I read those articles with a sense of awe and bewilderment.  Awe that someone could be so wed to their principle that they don’t see the human face on it.  Bewildered at the lack of understanding and the lack of nuance.  Somehow it doesn’t make sense to sacrifice the mother for the baby.  No, what doesn’t make sense is that the sacrifice would be codified into law.  There are some families who might choose that sacrifice, but it should never be forced on anyone.  Nor should the bearing of a child as the result of a rape or (worse) incest be forced on a woman or young girl.  Should she decide to make that sacrifice, wonderful!  Let’s embrace that and applaud it.  But don’t make it a law, molesting women a second time.

We, as a culture, are in a place where science has outstripped our ability to make decisions.  50 years ago, women very often didn’t know they were pregnant until enough time had passed that abortion was not even an option.  Now we have the ability to know within hours of conception.  The language we use surrounding pregnancy has become dystopian in many ways.  I believe this is an attempt to relieve some of the pressure that has built up around pregnancies and our choices concerning them.  What are the ethics of competing rights inhabiting one body?  How do we choose which rights are paramount?  Some would say faith points the way, others say science.  I think that both carry inherent flaws and strengths that need to be explored.  But that is for another post.  Hopefully later this week.

Diversion or Distraction?

Filed under:hope, life, lost in translation, reconciliation, redemption, synchroblog — posted by Sonja on October 12, 2011 @ 9:55 am

I may or may not have mentioned it here before but I regularly take some medication that requires the oversight of a psychiatrist.  Mostly this is because I also take some meds for my seizure disorder and it’s good to have someone in charge of all brain medication who knows what they do.  This is the theory anyway.

In any case, I was meeting with my psychiatrist the other day in order to check on all my meds and how I’m doing and I told her that I’m feeling very unfocused.  It’s something I have been struggling with for several years now, but lately it’s been almost overwhelming.  She asked me a couple of pointed questions about current events in my life and pointed out what some side effects were for some of the seizure meds I take and said, “I don’t think you’re unfocused.  I think you’re distracted by what’s going on with you.”

Um.  Really.  So what’s the difference?  It made sense when she said it, now I’m wondering.

Diversion -
1. the act of diverting from a specified course
2. ( Brit ) an official detour used by traffic when a main route is closed
3. something that distracts from business, etc; amusement
4. (military) a feint attack designed to draw an enemy away from the main attack

Distraction -
1. the act or an instance of distracting or the state of being distracted
2. something that serves as a diversion or entertainment
3. an interruption; an obstacle to concentration
4. mental turmoil or madness

Sooo … it looks to me as though being unfocused (or diverted) is makes me the subject of my own sentence.  But being distracted makes me the object.  Or is it vice versa?  I’m not sure … but I think that’s the difference between the two.  I don’t think knowing which is which really matters either.  I just needed to know what was what.

There was an ad campaign for something (I can’t remember what) not too long ago that went, “Life is messy.  Clean it up.”  For the record, all the ads for cleaning products bug me.  More than that, they piss me off.  Who can live in those pristine houses?  Life IS messy.  It’s gross and kind of disgusting down here in the trenches of our own stuff.  I’m not so sure we should clean it up.  I wonder about that sometimes.

Do you wonder about that?  Is just cleaning it up a distraction?  Or a diversion?  What if what we are supposed to do is get rid of that stuff?  What if we are supposed to make it new again?  Redeem it or reconcile it and by swiping it with some magic eraser, we’re diverting our attention to something else?  Have we got “stuff” in our lives that is like that old family room carpet.  It’s old and grungy because it’s in the most used room in the home.  People are always in and out and yes, they eat in there.  Yes, they eat dinner in front of the television on more occasions than any of us would like to admit.  And popcorn during movies and sporting events.  And snacks at other odd times.  So there are probably bits of food ground in there somewhere.  Years worth of pets and children going in and out the back door have ground in bits of mud and grass and heaven-knows-what.  This carpet has seen better days.  We keep vacuuming it and occasionally cleaning it because we know that replacing it is going to be time consuming and expensive.  Eventually we won’t be able to avoid that time and expense, but for now we get by.

We all have stuff in our lives that is deeply ground in, musty and yucky that needs to be replaced with good new and clean stuff.  We want to get at it.  We know we’ll be better off for it, healthier, more well-rounded, and we might even like ourselves better.  But … there it is.  It’s going to be time consuming and expensive.  I don’t mean money.  I mean it’s going to be hard.  It might hurt.  It might cost us some friends.  It might cost us some intangible things that we don’t even imagine when we set out on that journey.  We know that … somewhere in the remote places of our hearts.  So we divert and distract by vacuuming and dusting and saying it’s okay for now.  It’s really okay.  I’ll get to that later.

Life is messy.  I don’t want to clean it up.  I want to embrace the mess and understand it.  I want to own it and then.  I want to redeem it.  But I don’t want to just clean it up with a whitewash of pretty paint.  Because that’s just a mask and I’m done with that now.

**********************************************************************************************

This post is part of October’s Synchroblog – Down We Go.  You can read other, insightful, posts at these links:

  • Alan Knox – How Low Can You Go
  • Jeremy Myers – Seeking The Next Demotion
  • Glenn Hager – Pretty People
  • David Derbershire – Reaching The Inner City
  • Tammy Carter – Flight Plan
  • Leah Randall – Jacked Up
  • Leah Randall (her other voice) – How Low Can We Go
  • Liz Dyer – Beautiful Mess
  • Maria Kettleson Anderson – Down
  • Christine Sine – There Is No Failure In The Kingdom of God
  • Leah Sophia – Down We Go
  • Hugh Hollowell – Downward
  • Kathy Escobar – We May Look Like Losers – Redux
  • Anthony Ehrhardt – Slumming It For Jesus
  • Marta Layton – Down The Up Staircase
  • Wendy McCaig – A Material Girl
  • Seeking Balance

    Filed under:life — posted by Sonja on September 2, 2011 @ 8:48 am

    If I say it’s been rollercoaster summer here in the LightHouse will any of you out there in teh webz accuse me of sounding like a broken record?

    I thought you might.  Sigh.  It has though.  We’ve had some awesome highs … and some bummer lows.  Most recently that has included watching our beloved home state of Vermont wash away in a flood of epic proportions.  Our families are safe, but some members are struggling through.  It’s hard to see places you grew up with washed away and know how terribly that will affect the people who live there.

    So I’ve been seeking balance as the new school year approaches.  I’m not a huge fan of rollercoasters.  I can be persuaded to take my life in my hands and get on an old woodie once every ten years or so.  But I don’t particularly care for those huge highs and gut-busting lows.  I like balance.  I understand that it’s elusive, but I also know that in seeking it, I will find other interesting, appealing and engrossing things with which to engage my mind and time.

    One of the ways I do this is by following creative blogs.  Some are devoted to art.  Others are devoted to quilting.  Still others are devoted to sewing.  And others are a mix of everything.  One of those blogs threw out a challenge the other day and it got me rolling in a way I haven’t for a long time.  The Coletterie issued a Fall Palette Challenge … create a color palette at ColourLovers and use that palette to sew one or more items of clothing for one’s fall wardrobe.

    Sooo … I began by creating a palette -

    I want to restrict my sewing (and any purchases I might make) to these colors.  Inspiration for this palette came from a tea towel that BlazingEwe gave me one day.  That beautiful magenta-y/plum is in the towel and I built this palette around that.

    Then I discovered the engrossing wonders of building patterns at ColourLovers.

    I spent hours.  H O U R S playing with patterns and color at ColourLovers one day.  I made my own pattern template.  I played with templates of other people.  What fun that is.  It’s coloring for grown-ups.  When you’ve made something you really like and you love fabric (like … ahem … me), you can transfer your design to Spoonflower and have your design printed on fabric and really make something that you truly designed yourself.  I am utterly fascinated by this.

    Here are a couple of patterns I’m thinking of having made into fabric –

    All of which brings me to this … my mood board for the challenge.  I’m going to commit to making one of the three items on this board, not sure which one yet.  I might go so far as to make all three.  But I’m gonna make one for sure.  I think I’m even going to post my progress and photos here.  Don’t worry.  I’m still going to post my rantings and ravings about politics, church, human nature and all that other good stuff I like to write about.  But I want this blog to be more reflective of who I am.  And I am a mix of a lot of things … and mostly, I’m not a guy, so I find it really hard to keep all my stuff separate on separate blogs.  So … here’s my mood board:

    I think I’ll likely be starting with the blouse, since I purchased some very yummy purple poplin last night. The patterns are on sale this weekend, and I’ll have the chance to get them and begin the process then. In the meantime, I have quilts that are humming along and school to teach with my kiddos. Balance is somewhere nearby … but in the meantime, we are engaged, thoughtful and happy. Life is good!

    Food Stamps, Welfare and Medicaid … Oh My (part 3)

    Filed under:life — posted by Sonja on August 19, 2011 @ 7:59 am

    My first real job when I graduated from college was working as a secretary in the new construction division of a construction company.  Suffice it to say that I was a huge pain in the ass.  Huge.

    I could type.  60 words per minute.  On a really, really good day.  I could answer the phone, but when those construction foremen got mouthy with me, I got mouthy back.  It did not end well.  I could do dictation tapes, if you gave me a really, really long time.  The first one I did I had to slow down so much that I thought I was typing for an old man.  Imagine my surprise when I handed my work to a handsome young man about 3 years older than I.  I believe I blushed to the roots of my hair and he walked away shaking his head at the new bumbling idiot he had to work with.  We eventually became very good co-workers, but those first weeks were very bumpy.  One of my tasks was to clean the office kitchen each day.  The first afternoon, I ran the dishwasher.  I had never before in my life encountered a dishwasher, although I knew about them.  I just never ran one on my own before and so at the ripe old age of 22 did not know that there was a key difference between dishwasher detergent and dishwashing liquid.  I thought they were interchangeable.  Not knowing or caring about the difference, I put dishwashing liquid in the dispenser, turned the machine on and walked out.

    That was when I learned to know and care about the difference.

    Shortly after I was hired a decision was made streamline the contracting process.  This meant that the office was going to get …

    (insert drum roll here)

    … a desktop computer!

    All of our data had to be input.  This was a mysterious process involving … you know?  I can’t remember what it involved.  I just remember that it was a lengthy, cumbersome process that involved a nightly back up of the enormous processor with floppy disks the size of elephant ears. I am

    Not.

    Kidding.

    It took two hands for me to hold those suckers and put them into the machine every night.  Every.  Single.  Night.  Plus there was some sort of extended back up process that had to be done on a weekly basis.  It drove me nuts.  That was my first foray into the jungle of computers.  It was cutting edge, I tell you.

    The larger problem was inputting all of the data.  That took an enormous amount of dedicated time.  Because while technically the computer was a desktop computer, it was not actually “at” anyone’s desk.  And each of the secretarys (I think there were 3 or 4 of us) had ongoing work to do each day that superseded the data input.  In short order, a decision was made that some office temporaries would be hired to enter the data into the computer.  So it was.  That is when the problems began.  This was not difficult work, but it did require a little bit of training and then some oversight to ensure that it was being done correctly.  Not a lot … just a little.  So we needed one or two people who would commit to doing this for maybe one or two weeks.  I think we saw new people every other day.  It was sooo not worth it.  We (I) spent more time training new people than I might have if I’d just been allowed to do the input myself.  They would show up late or not at all. They would disappear during their lunch break and not return til the next day, if ever.  We’d show them what to do and work with them on how to do it and the work would be sloppy, incomplete and unacceptable unless someone was standing over them.  Very often the young women were not dressed appropriately for working in an office.  Their fashion choices would be more appropriate for an evening at a club.  It was very frustrating for everyone concerned.  We were frustrated because our work was not getting done.  But the women coming in and attempting to work with/for us were also clearly frustrated.  Everyone was perplexed and confused by the apparent miscommunication of expectations.

    Fast forward a few years and I decided to pursue a masters degree in education.  While I was doing that, it seemed like a good idea to work as a temporary office worker so that I would be able to concentrate on my school work when I needed to.  It wasn’t a big deal at all.  I applied to a temp firm and started getting assignments.  Within a few weeks, I was a superstar.  It was the strangest position I’d ever been in.  All it took to be a superstar was showing up every day and being kind.  I got to pick my assignments each week and always got the best places.  The ironic thing was that my skill set was mediocre at best, although I did have a good handle on software.  And in the midst of my classwork and working each day I began to wonder about this incongruous state of affairs.

    I’ve spent a lot time in the intervening years wondering about that.  Studying demographic trends and trying to figure out why it was that I became successful with mediocre skills and many others couldn’t make it with stellar skills.  What did I have that they did not?  I don’t know that I have any answers yet, but I do have some clues.  Some of them can be found in the world around us and some of them date back to the days that formed our country.

    It’s very popular and somewhat easy to condemn those who receive public assistance as lazy, stupid, irresponsible, and self-indulgent on the public’s dime.  I’ve lived in less desirable neighborhoods, been on public assistance myself for a short period and spent my time volunteering among those in need with Project Angel Tree.  My experiences are not vast by any stretch of the imagination, but they are enough for me to say that I haven’t met any one who was lazy or stupid or irresponsible or self-indulgent.  I met a lot of people along the way who were struggling along with enormous burdens on their backs.  Being poor is hard work.  Stretching a dollar to cover $5 or $10 is just as hard as being a CEO and requires a great deal of creativity.  When you’re struggling along with a huge boulder on your back, it’s a lot easier to stumble and fall.  It’s a lot easier to make mistakes and lose your way because you can’t see the horizon anymore, all you can see is the next place to put your foot down.  And often times you end up going in endless circles, perhaps even circling the toilet.  It’s very discouraging.  What makes this scenario even more discouraging?  All of the shiny happy people on continuous cable television telling you that the path to happiness lies in the acquisition of stuff.  Adults may be able to withstand this, but children do not understand their lack in a land of plenty.

    Current scientific research suggests that our brains are wired to tolerate a certain amount of decision-making in a day.  When we push beyond that threshold, we experience fatigue and either make poor decisions or no decisions.  Further research suggests that this phenomenon effects those with less wealth to a greater extent than those with more wealth:

    Spears and other researchers argue that this sort of decision fatigue is a major — and hitherto ignored — factor in trapping people in poverty. Because their financial situation forces them to make so many trade-offs, they have less willpower to devote to school, work and other activities that might get them into the middle class. It’s hard to know exactly how important this factor is, but there’s no doubt that willpower is a special problem for poor people. Study after study has shown that low self-control correlates with low income as well as with a host of other problems, including poor achievement in school, divorce, crime, alcoholism and poor health. Lapses in self-control have led to the notion of the “undeserving poor” — epitomized by the image of the welfare mom using food stamps to buy junk food — but Spears urges sympathy for someone who makes decisions all day on a tight budget.

    There’s a lot more to this idea than I have space for, so I encourage you to read this fascinating article.  However, it may be that our current notion of public assistance recipients as lazy and lacking in self-control could be putting the cart before the horse!  This is not to suggest that they require more money, but that they require additional support and help from those in their community.  By which I mean … us.

    There are issues and values that we hold both in the dominant culture and in the minority culture that are in conflict with one another.  Those need to be openly and honestly discussed, wrestled with and negotiated.  Electing a black president will not resolve our problems.  Putting more money into public assistance programs will not resolve our problems.  As I reflected on the differences between me and the women who just couldn’t seem to make things work for them I came to understand what some of our differences were.  I knew how to show up on time, every day.  I knew how to go to lunch and come back.  I knew how to work independently and get my work done without talking on the phone or succumbing to other distractions.  At first this was sort of strange to me.  After all, who doesn’t understand those things?  Why wouldn’t you know how to go to work every day?  But what if you lived in a home where no one went to work?  What if you lived in a home where there was no father?  No grandfather?  What if you lived in a home where there were few rules about time and showing up?  If you grew up like that, would you know how to show up for a job every day?  You might think you do and you might say you do, but it would be very difficult to learn that.

    Now take this idea back … way back.  Back to the early days of our country.  We brought the ancestors of many of these people over in chains.  We brought them here with an utter disregard for the long, complex and well developed culture they came from.  The expectation was that their culture was to be erased with the flick of a whip and they would assimilate into ours.  I know next to nothing about African history or culture; I am sadly uninformed.  What I can tell you is that it was very, very different from Western European culture.  The values and mores that Africans held were utterly different from ours.  Brought over here to work, the motivation was fear of pain, death and familial separation.

    Fear is an excellent motivator, if your goal is efficiency.  However, fear can never change the human heart.  It can change what a person does on the outside and to a certain extent it can change who they become, but it cannot change who they were meant to be.  That indomitable part in each of us remains, passed on to our children in each generation.  In large part, fear is the motivating factor for people who live in poverty … not having enough to eat, a place to live, that the home they have is safe, etc.  We continue to anticipate that through fear we will dominate and assimilate these people brought to our shores through various means 300 years ago.  I wonder what would happen if we decided that the modern day cultural expressions of their heritage have as much to contribute to our national conversation as the western European expression does?  What if we took the blinders of our dominant culture off and truly began to explore our racist heritage?  I think that part of the long-term pay-off to that would be to reduce the numbers of people who require public assistance.  And what an all around victory that would be!

    Part 1

    Part 2

    Stale Bananas

    Filed under:life — posted by Sonja on March 16, 2011 @ 7:50 am

    This year has been interesting here in the LightHouse. By year, I mean calendar year. The year which began on January 1, 2011.

    One could speculate that it all really began back in the holiday season of 2010. Yep, I think that’s where I’ll start.

    We were busy (as usual) prepping for Christmas, getting gifts sent. Purchasing gifts for each other and friends. Wrapping, decorating, baking. Best of all, anticipating the arrival of LightMom and TheGrandPea for a Christmas visit. We love having my parents visit and hanging out with them. There aren’t a lot of expectations and we just take things as they come. There was one thing I wanted to do; I wanted to see True Grit with both my parents, but especially with my dad. We both love westerns, you see (so does my mom) and I remembered that he had seen the original when it came out.

    Something was off though. Something with me. I was walking through thigh deep water and could not get myself together. Plus I had a horrible cough that would not let go. When LightMom says, “You really need to see the doctor.” Yep. You make the call. Off I went. And came home with a diagnosis of pneumonia.

    That just takes all the fun out of everything.

    So, I spent January recovering from pneumonia. It’s a long slow boring slog.

    LightHusband (in the meantime) was having a series of treatments on his back which left him … well … on his back for most of January and February. A home with two teenagers and no drivers for the better part of a month was … ahhhh … interesting. We muddled through, but none of us are really sure how that happened.

    Along came March and I got sick AGAIN! This time no pneumonia, just an ordinary upper respiratory infection/bronchitisy kind of thing. The problem was that my lungs had not fully recovered from the pneumonia and it put me flat on my back because I couldn’t breath. This time though I fought the beast hard. I sequestered myself in our guest room with not one, but two vaporizers going. LightHusband brought me a television and meals. And that’s where I was for about 18 – 20 hours a day for the better part of a week.

    Now one would think (being an introvert and all) that being alone in a room for 18 – 20 hours a day would be heaven. And I won’t deny that there are parts of that journey that I loved. I loved being able to say, “I’m going away now for awhile, I need to rest.” Sometimes that rest was just as much mental/emotional as it was physical. But, that room got awfully tiny after a while and I wanted to be out and around people. It got lonely in that room. When you have to make a hot, steamy environment for yourself, people don’t like to visit too often … even when they are family. And, like all sick rooms, apparently it began to take on a certain aroma, defined by LightHusband as “sweat and stale bananas.” I told him that it was the tropical atmosphere ;)

    One thing it did give me was a lot of time to think … and read. I’ve been reading a lot about what’s going politically and economically in our country. No surprise there. And I am disturbed. Deeply, profoundly disturbed. The progress and protections that were put in place for children, for women, for the disenfranchised of all ilk in the 20th century are being attacked at every level … both in state and federal legislation. I cannot keep quiet any longer.

    I started this blog July 2005 as an exercise in community. I am no longer a member of that community and have not been for four years this week. The focus changed and for a long time I wrote about the state of the church and often about women in the church. There’s not much more for me to say about that here. It’s been said. And I think that is why my pen (keyboard) has been still for so long. I haven’t had anything new to say.

    Calaciriya is a place. A mythical place to be sure. But a place nonetheless. It is a place that is noted but once in the Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Rings (I think on page 229?). The translation of the name is “Ravine of Light.” And that is where this blog gets it’s name and it’s focus from … to be light shining in darkness. To be a place of light. A place where we can be reminded of who we are, who we are meant to be and what we can strive for. So the minutae of this blog is going to change and I will be writing more from a justice perspective. How does love (sometimes specifically Christian love) intersect in the public sphere to create justice? What does that look like now and what could it look like?

    What, indeed, are we striving for?

    Brownies & Big Ideas

    Filed under:community, education, home school, justice, life, life with teens, missional, redemption — posted by Sonja on March 5, 2011 @ 11:16 am

    One of the best new things about this school year has been that I’m teaching/leading a class with some of the LightChildren’s peers.  We started out with about 15 students, and we’re down to about 8 or 9 now.  That’s okay because we’re intense and learning a lot.  It’s a philosophy class.  We’re using a text book called (without much inspiration), Philosophy For Teens:  Questioning Life’s Big Ideas.  It’s a really good text which is introducing the kids to a lot of great philosophers and (yeah, I’ll say it) big ideas.  Lately class has consisted of the kids reading the chapter and then we discuss the ideas contained therein.  This unit of four chapters is focusing on justice and began with a chapter on civil rights (Malcomb X).  The chapter we discussed the other day moved to animal rights.  That chapter opened with a dialogue between two boys about whether one of them had the right to force his dog to jump through a burning hoop and withhold food when the animal refused to comply.

    So.  Of course, I opened our discussion with cell phones.  All of the students have one.  I wanted to know how they took care of their cell phones (there was a range of caring from downright love to abuse), how they would respond if their cell phone was lost or mangled, and how they would respond if/when the cell phone was replaced.  We talked about that for a while and I moved them to an understanding of the idea that cell phones are “property.”  They got that.  Everyone was happy.  But I sucked in my breath because I knew what I was about to do and it was going to be hard.

    I asked them to think about our last class when we talked about civil rights and slavery.  I asked them to take a moment and consider all of the ideas we had just expressed about property as they concerned our cell phones and apply those ideas to human beings as slaves.  Everyone stopped for just a few seconds.  Most of the kids didn’t quite know where to put their eyes.  One even said, “Wow.  This isn’t so funny when we’re talking about people.”  Then we spent a few minutes talking about how just as there had been a spectrum of care for cell phones, there was a spectrum of care for slaves.  That most people throughout history had been considered property at one time or another (feudalism) and that slavery has existed in many forms.  We talked about slavery today (sex trade and child warriors).  I recommended “Half the Sky” by Nicholas Kristoff to them because if they can handle this discussion, they can more than handle that book.

    We needed a break at this point.  I knew ahead of time that this class was going to be hard and uncomfortable.  That my wonderful students were going to need some sustenance and assistance to get through this.  So I made brownies for them to have at break (it’s a two hour class).  There’s nothing like a brownie to boost your spirits and keep you going during a rough spot.  If I’d had my whole act together, I’d have had milk for them to drink with the brownies.  But I only had half my act together.  They all wanted the brownie recipe … so here it is, because some of you might need some sustenance too.  I got the original here, but I tinkered with it and my tinkering is below:

    Brownies From Heaven

    • 1 cup butter or margarine
    • 6 (1 ounce) squares unsweetened chocolate (I used Ghirardelli)
    • 4 eggs
    • 1 cups white sugar
    • 1 cup packed brown sugar
    • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
    • 1/2 teaspoon salt
    • 1 1/4 cups whole-wheat flour (I used King Arthur)
    • 1 cup chopped pecans
    • confectioners’ sugar

    1. In a saucepan over low heat, melt butter and chocolate; cool for 10 minutes.
    2.  In a mixing bowl, beat eggs with wire whisk.  Add sugars, vanilla and salt, beating after each addition with whisk.
    3.  Stir in the chocolate mixture. Add flour and nuts; mix well.
    >4.  Pour into a greased 11-in. x 7-in. x 2-in. baking dish. Bake at 325 degrees F for 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out with moist crumbs. Cool.

    I think peanut butter frosting or adding chocolate chips to this would be even more heavenly … but I didn’t have the chance to try either of those.  Ohhh … or I might add dried cherries and cream cheese frosting the next time I make these.  Yum!

    *************************************************************

    Weren’t those good?  Are you revived enough to continue our discussion?  Well, the students were.  I told you … they are great kids.  I am really privileged to have the opportunity to meet with them, hear their ideas, and share mine with them.

    After the break we carried on and moved to animal rights.  We talked about how animals are different from humans.  They are not really sentient beings and some cannot care for themselves, so we must care for them.  We talked about their relative intelligence and shared our favorite pet stories.  I shared some information from this sort of creepy article on crows and how they can recognize humans, pass on information to future generations and generally are smarter than you think.  This lead to a discussion on what rights should we give animals in the wild (i.e. wolves vs. sheep in our western states).  We talked about how it’s uncomfortable but okay to discuss euthanizing an animal, but that sort of discussion is off the table for people.  So we ended up in a place where we agreed that animals occupy a grey area.  They have rights, but they are sort of property … sort of.  It’s something we will probably discuss again.

    Interestingly, at the very end of class one of the students wondered what would happen to a grizzly bear that had killed a man.  We joked about sentencing the bear to jail … the zoo.  Until the kids realized that wasn’t so funny.  Then another student wondered about dogs who had been so abused that they attacked people.  What happened to those animals.  Could they be redeemed?  And we decided that some could.  But some cannot.  So they decided that the ones who cannot should be euthanized.  So, I asked them … what should we do about the very real problem of criminals who cannot be rehabilitated?  What do we do with those individuals who are repeat offenders, who do their time in prison, but get out and are worse … sexual offenders, murderers, etc.?  I asked them to think about that and we’ll pick it up there at the next class.

    But I have to say … these kids are fearless.

    As long as I give them brownies. :)

    A Consistent Ethic of Life (pt. 1)

    Filed under:life — posted by Sonja on February 28, 2011 @ 7:30 pm

    I had a fairly interesting, if exhausting, Friday afternoon.  I spent it surrounded by teenagers.  So it was a good afternoon.  I was teaching them some new skills and bumping them just out of their comfort zones, so it was a little bit exhausting.  But mostly it was fun, because this group of teens is full of humor and good spirits and I enjoy spending time with them.

    It’s a group of teens (and their moms or other parental units) that the LightChildren and I joined about a year ago to add some fun, fieldtrippy kind of activity to our school.  We meet once a week and do “stuff” together.  We’ve built things at the National Building Museum.  We’ve sorted eyeglasses with a local Lions Club.  We’ve done a scavenger hunt at an art museum.  We’ve gone to countless movies, played laser tag, board games and gone swimming in a variety of water sources.  We’ve built structures out of canned goods.  We’ve thought really hard about building medieval siege weapons.  This past Friday we made Cooling Neck Wraps for soldiers stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan.  We will donate them through an organization known as Operation Gratitude (if you want to donate some stuff to soldiers, you can click on that link and find out how).  There we were a room full of teenagers learning how to iron, and mark and sew.  Of course, they are teenagers so the ratio of talking to working was kind of high, but we still got a good bit done.  And the teens peeked out of their comfort zones just a little and looked around.  It was good for everyone.

    Me?  I felt like a walking signboard for irony that afternoon.  I despise those wars.  I think I’ve made it pretty clear here in my little corner of teh webz that I do not believe in the principle of a just war.  Nor do I believe that it is our role to play policeman throughout the world.  In short, we overstepped in a huge way in both countries, so why did I expend considerable time and effort supporting the soldiers of these wars?

    Some days I’m not so sure of that myself.  Other days I remember what it’s like to be in the Army.  You are not your own.  The service owns you and unless an order is specifically illegal, you must obey it.  You cannot volunteer for service and then claim conscientious objector status because you think the war is illegal.  That just doesn’t fly, especially since we’ve been at war for 10 and 8 years now.  So we/I cannot hold the soldiers responsible for these wars; they are doing their best in a bad situation.  I feel for them.  Patriotic mythology notwithstanding, they have been put in harm’s way by an empire that views them as fodder for it’s mill.  I can but attempt to remember their humanity.

    On Being Free

    Filed under:family, freedom, holy spirit, life, missional, philosophy, synchroblog — posted by Sonja on November 11, 2010 @ 8:01 am

    As one of the three women who work together to get the synchroblog going each month, it’s really pitiful that here I am … bringing up the rear in November.  But something was stopping me from writing this month.  Oh, I have plenty to say on the topic (Voices of the Marginalized) and there were/are many directions I felt I could take.  Yet every time I wanted to write, I couldn’t.  There was a time when I would have fretted and fussed.  Sat down and made something up.  But if I’ve learned anything over the last five or six years, I’ve learned how to wait.  How to be patient.  How to let things percolate and bubble to the surface.  And last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I finally knew what to write about.  So here I am this morning … a couple days late, and a couple dollars short.  I hope you find it worthy.

    Marginalization results in an individual’s exclusion from meaningful participation in society and it’s source is many. Economic circumstances, illness, disability, geographical location, gender, sexuality, race, religion are all dominant sources of individuals being marginalized. Sometimes it’s easy to see holidays or certain systems from a position of power or privilege. * As God’s people, what does it mean to see the world through the eyes of the marginalized?

    • What is it like to be one of the marginalized?
    • How can we be part of bridging some of these gaps?

    Here in the LightHouse we’ve been discussing some particularly knotty extended family issues over the last week or so.  This has been an ongoing conversation that has ebbed and flowed around work schedules, hockey schedules, and our emotional barometers.  We have worked it around to a place where we realized we are not free to say, “No, this or that will not work for us.” within this relationship.  Well, I suppose we are free to say that, but the emotional damage to the relationship will be very high.  In order to maintain the relationship, we are required to affirm the other party’s desires, no matter what else is going on with us.

    It struck me as I was drifting off to sleep last night, that this is the quintessential difference between those who are in and those who are marginalized.  Those who are in have power, are equals and may say yes or no to whatever they please.  They have the freedom to choose their lives and their horizons.  Those who have been pushed to the edges do not have this freedom, they are required to say yes in order to maintain their relationship with those in power around them.  Their choices/our choices are then limited by what they are given to say yes to.  A relationship between equals will allow negotiation; it will allow for a yes OR a no.  A relationship between a powerful and a powerless will only allow for a yes and negotiation will be minimal at best.

    What this means is that those who are marginalized in our country are not free.  They are bound by invisible bonds.  The ties are tightly woven and they are kept in place (in some cases over generations) just as surely as those of a plantation owner in the Antebellum South.  We tell ourselves that now we no longer capitalize on human suffering, but is that really true?  Perhaps if we took a different perspective on the relationship of power and wealth vs. poverty, we might begin to see how much of our power grid really does still capitalize on human suffering; on some humans having less than others and on a zero-sum paradigm of the world.

    And as I was thinking all of this through, I remembered the words of the Apostle Paul again, in the letter to the church at Galatia:

    All of you are God’s children because of your faith in Christ Jesus. And when you were baptized, it was as though you had put on Christ in the same way you put on new clothes. Faith in Christ Jesus is what makes each of you equal with each other, whether you are a Jew or a Greek, a slave or a free person, a man or a woman. (Gal. 3:26-28)

    That is the gospel of freedom.  That we would all be free to make our yes be yes and our no be no.  To be equal with one another.  That in the end, our relationships with one another will not be driven by who is powerful and who is powerless, but by love.  And our mission during our brief stint here is bring the Kingdom to the dusty corners that we find.  Help those in our path see new horizons and find ways to speak; to say no when they need to and yes only when they want to.  To have healthy relationships based on love, rather than warped relationships based on fear or power.

    ************************************************************************************

    As I wrote above, this is a synchroblog post, and no synchroblog would be complete without a list of juicy links for you to read at the end.  Please take some time to read what others have written on this important subject.  Thanks!

    “We the People of the United States, …

    Filed under:life — posted by Sonja on October 26, 2010 @ 10:29 am

    … in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence[sic], promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

    Part Two of Three

    Yesterday I posted about some research I did into a group of candidates who are running under the canopy of the Tea Party. Today I’ll tell you why I think some of them will win, why I don’t think they will change very much and why I think their policy directives are dead wrong, despite being winsome and appealing on a superficial level. They have a lot of emotion behind them. Voters of all stripes (including yours truly) are justifiably angry at the events (financial and military) of the last several years. We are rapidly coming to an uncomfortable junction in our country. We have choices to make about who we are and how we will continue. Will we mature into a reasonable adult nation-state, or do we want to continue in our rash, brash youth? Will we allow all voices to speak and be heard without pejoratives and bullying? Or will we continue to cat-call and rank people according to their “patriotism” (by which I mean do their thoughts most closely align with mine … or yours … or whoever is making the call at the moment)?

    Tomorrow (in part three) I’m going to write about why I see the close alignment of churches with any political system as a very dangerous place for the church and her people to be. I see this happening more frequently and abundantly on the right, but the left has it’s share of (Jim Wallis and Sojourners) syncophants as well. But that story is for tomorrow.

    Overall, and from the best that I can tell without engaging in the practice of divination or something equally magical, it appears to me that the candidates I looked at have conflated the Constitution with the original document our founders operated under, the Articles of Confederation:

    While still at war with Great Britain, the Founding Fathers were divided between those seeking a powerful, centralized national government, and those seeking a loosely-structured one. Jealously guarding their new independence, members of the Continental Congress arrived at a compromise solution dividing sovereignty between the states and the Federal government, with a unicameral legislature that protected the liberty of the individual states. While calling on Congress to regulate military and monetary affairs, for example, the Articles of Confederation provided no mechanism with which to compel the States to comply with requests for either troops or revenue. At times, this left the military in a precarious position, as George Washington wrote in a letter in 1781 to the Governor of Massachusetts, John Hancock.

    Many of the arguments and anger being currently expressed about the size and scope of the Federal Government, what it’s function is and the direction it should take may be traced back to the very roots of our foundation. When the Articles of Confederation proved to be ungainly and unworkable a very public debate commenced about what the nature of our fledgling government would be. It was engaged upon at many different levels, but most prominently in a series of published papers known as the Federalist Papers and the Anti-Federalist Papers (yeah, our Founders were not very creative).  For an excellent commentary on the debate and the resulting compromises (eg. our Bill of Rights) see this.  While today’s Tea Party harkens back to the folks who wrote the Anti-Federalist Papers (Sam Adams, George Clinton, Richard Henry Lee, etc.) that group would eventually evolve into today’s Democratic Party -

    The Federalists were successful in their effort to get the Constitution ratified by all 13 states. The Federalists later established a party known as the Federalist Party. The party backed the views of Hamilton and was a strong force in the early United States. The party, however, was short-lived, dead by 1824.

    The Anti-Federalists generally gravitated toward the views of Thomas Jefferson, coalescing into the Republican Party, later known as the Democratic Republicans, the precursor to today’s Democratic Party. [emphasis added]

    Those original writers of the Anti-Federalist Papers would likely be considered libertarians (small “l”) by today’s standards and thus seem to have been adopted by the Tea Party faithful as icons of liberty in an age of increasing governmental interference.  The goals they express are noble, however they often are conflicted when it comes to getting there.  For 223 years “we the people” have chosen a less radical, more centralized form of government.  Is that changing now?  I don’t believe it is.  I do believe that people are angry at the current turn of events and have focused their anger in the wrong place.  This has been done for them by some very crafty people; the people who are responsible for the turn of events in the first place.  The very, uber wealthy.

    For today I’m going to go through each of the categories I used yesterday and get all dirty. Well … maybe not dirty. But I am going to use those categories and talk about the policies which are being promoted by these candidates are not necessarily the best choice for our country and/or our people.  For this is the fundamental difference between the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution.  The Articles of Confederation posited the power and responsibility to the states.  The Constitution posits the power and responsibility in the people.  We the people of the United States ….
    Economy & Taxation

    Of course, these are all conservative candidates so they believe in a very conservative paradigm for financial management. They all believe and pledged (to greater or lesser extents) to reduce the tax burden on all of us in order to get the economy working again. Several discussed the fault incumbent upon the current Congress for increasing the debt load; others discussed the current financial crisis as a problem that has been years in the making and were happy to spread the responsibility around to both the Bush and Obama administrations.

    All of the candidates were opposed to raising taxes. In fact, they were lock step in the notion that the tax burden must be decreased, especially on the very wealthy. It should also be decreased on all of us. This is a noble cause in light of the current debt burden we are now carrying from two wars and a lengthening financial crisis.

    The problem here is that the idea that lower taxes and less regulation will make the economy grow is simply and patently FALSE.  There’s no way to sugarcoat this.  It sounds lovely.  To most of us it makes perfect sense.  Give the people at the top more money and they will spend it and spread it around.  What could be more sensical?  Of course!!  And the Daddy of all conservatives said this, Ronald Reagan, so it must be true.  Heck, I even believed it for a long time. Problem is … there’s no data to bear this out.  Every Republican Administration since Eisenhower stunk on every economic measure there is and every Democratic administration was golden.  Yes, poodles … even and especially to include the Carter Administration.  Carter’s great claim to fame, even in the midst of the horrible 70’s?  Job creation. If I had a website to corroborate this, I’d send you to it, but I got this information from a book, Presimetrics, by Mike Kimel and Michael E Kanell.

    While our goal is to avoid partisanship, we’re starting to see a pattern in the data. On most of the issues we’ve covered so far –and they’ve all been economic issues– Democrats have outperformed Republicans.  This difference may be particularly galling here when it comes to income and wealth.  After all, creating conditions needed to increase people’s income and make them wealthier is something Republicans pride themselves on, and the public perception is that they do it better than Democrats.  How is it then that Republican administrations did so poorly relative to Democratic administrations?

    The answer can’t bederived from the data.  But in part it looks to be because Democratic administration have presided over faster economic growth on average and do so without adding so much to the national debt as Republican administrations.  It goes the other way as well, increasing people’s income and wealth can also lead to faster economic growth.  And the policies Democrats have pursued have increased income and wealth more quickly than the policies Republicans have pursued.

    Democratic policies typically call for more inclusion, more focus on those at the bottom of the economic spectrum.  By contrast, Republican policies have been more a “trickle-down” variety, the idea being that if the wealthy are made better off through lower tax burdens and less regulation, they will invest more in new ventures, expand existing businesses, and just generally toss more money into the economy, thereby helping to create jobs and improve the lives of everyone else.  But perhaps the strategy of inclusion not only benefits those who would otherwse get a smaller piece of the pie but also increases the size of the whole pie for everyone.  That is, a trickle-up economy seems to beat a trickle-down economy.  So sayeth the data. (Kimel & Kanel, pps. 87-88)

    What would happen if I were a talented and charismatic speaker?  So talented and charismatic that I were to go out and begin convincing everyone that the sky is orange.  I might be able to do this.  I might even be able to convince a goodly proportion of the population that the sky is orange.  It would be quite a feat.  But let’s just suppose I’ve been able to do that.  And they love me for it.  Here’s the problem.  The sky is still empirically blue.  Just because everyone is walking around saying it’s orange now, does not actually change the fact of the matter.  It’s still blue.  And that’s what we have going on in our country right now.  We have a lot of people who have been convinced by a few charismatic leaders (who have a dog in the race) that the sky is orange.  Problem is, it’s still blue folks and you have a lot to loose by thinking it’s orange.

    The people who are telling you it’s orange are the wealthiest people in the country.  They are behind the curtains and want to reduce the tax rate.  But they pay fewer taxes than any of us … Since 1992, the average tax rate on the richest 400 taxpayers in the US dropped from 26.8% to 16.62%. Source: US Internal Revenue Service. I’d love it if my tax rate was less than 20%, wouldn’t you?  Yet they are still clamoring for lower taxes.  And many of these folks are the same business leaders who come strolling around Congress looking for a handout when the specter of the Recession knocked on their door.  Who is paying for their low tax rates AND their bailouts?  We are.  Now they also want us to pay the added costs of lower taxes and less regulation.  Those costs will only be born by those of us who are poor and middle class … the voter.  Don’t vote for the men behind curtain.  Vote for we the people; the current plan is working but it will take time to get us out of this mess; month by slow month jobs are being created in the private sector.  It is working, so vote to make the pie larger.

    Energy Issues

    This was the issue upon which there was probably the least consensus. Overall, most of the candidates stated that our reliance upon foreign oil resources was problematic for our economy and for industrial objectives. All of them were supportive of reducing our reliance upon foreign oil resources, but after that the consensus broke down. There were many different ideas about how the country should go about doing this, but all focused on a common thread that the free market would be the best place to determine the outcome.

    Most of the candidates were very certain that it was an issue of national security that we decrease our dependence on foreign energy resources.  Well, hooray for them.  I “discovered” this fact back in 1978 while on my highschool debate team, so I’m really glad to know it’s filtered up to top echelons of government and at the glacial pace of 30 years.  Unfortunately, most of them do not see the risks inherent in petroleum based fuel and insist that while relying on foreign energy resources is bad, we can ameliorate that problem with petroleum based and coal reserves here within our borders.  Which is to say, most of them do not take the science behind climate change at all seriously.  This is a mistake.  It’s a mistake for many reasons … but the primary reason is that researching and developing alternative energy resources is an enormous job market.  What a way to create jobs and employ people.  It’s a huge win-win on all sides.

    Family Values

    All of the candidates made sure to define marriage on their issues page as a union between a man and a woman. Some took it no further than this. Others made certain that they clearly spelled out their opposition to same-sex marriage.

    They were also certain to declare their opposition to abortion in any form, except for cases of incest, rape or danger to the mother. There were exceptions to this, of the 11, 4 had participated in the Republican National Coalition PAC’s Life Questionnaire and declared their opposition to abortion in the case of rape, incest or danger to the mother.

    Every candidate very clearly announced their support for the 2nd amendment (unfettered gun ownership) without any further governmental interference. NRA membership and endorsements were proudly sported on many of their websites.

    I really struggle with the level of paradox that is involved with this section. There are so many, I scarcely know where to begin. This group of candidates expressed as their main concern that the rights of the individual are being trampled by state and federal government. Yet there seem to be certain individuals who must continue to be closely monitored by the government and their rights must be restricted. So the rights that the candidates were most concerned with would better be expressed as those of a Christian nature. They would very much like this country to become a Christian nation. Many express a desire to (re)turn to it’s Christian roots. This would be a misnomer, since there has always been, in Thomas Jefferson’s words, a wall of separation between the church and the state. A later Supreme Court justice (who’s name I am forgetting right now) would say that the wall metaphor was lacking and say that a fence was a better term because a fence allows some interaction between the two entities. But we (for very good reason) provide protection for our churches (and our synagogues, and our temples and our mosques and our nothing-at-alls) from the government. Because governments by nature are extremely capricious and mean.

    Then there is the paradox involved with desiring to protect the lives of the “unborn” but not the lives of inner city children who are the most affected by the violence wrought by unfettered gun ownership (automatic and sub-automatic weapons).  Listen, I’m no namby-pamby when it comes to guns and have eaten my fair share of venison.  Most of the men in my family hunt, or would if they could.  I support owning guns for the purpose of hunting and target shooting.  BUT.  The only reason that automatic/sub-automatic weapons and hand guns exist is to kill people.  That is their only purpose.  Ordinary people have no use for them.  None.  The 2nd Amendment was written for a different time and place; it can stand some tweaking.  If mere potential human life in the womb is worth protecting, then so are the actual human beings (i.e. children) who live in the projects.  ‘Nuff said.

    Speaking of actual human beings who live in the projects … no … I’ll go into that in greater detail below.

    But finally, I’m putting this here because I don’t know where else to put it.  I’m tired of the battle lines over human life in politics.  You can’t be pro-choice, or you’re a murder of helpless babies.  If you’re pro-life, you hate women.  It’s ridiculous.  Here’s the thing.  According to science (and that really is the best thing we have to go on right now) up until about 20 t0 24 weeks, the fetus is only the potential for human life.  After that, the baby has a chance for survival outside of the mother, but the costs to society and the family are (potentially) enormous.  Everyone has stories on both sides of miracles.  My very own cousin was director of Planned Parenthood for years in the 70’s.  She had an unplanned pregnancy.  What do you think she did?

    Here’s the thing, every single story of an unplanned pregnancy is different.  Every.  Single.  One.  And every pregnancy involves AT LEAST two people, plus the potential baby.  Sometimes it involves more people.  We must get past the idea that it’s just about the baby.  Or just about the mother.  There is always the mother, the father, grandparents.  Potentially siblings.  Maybe aunts and uncles.  The potential baby could be arriving into a whole community.  Or it could just be the mother and the baby.  But to hear one side or the other tell the story it’s all about one, or all about the other.  But it’s both.  It’s both.

    People who support choice for women are not baby-killers and people who want to limit abortions do not hate women, there has to be some middle ground.

    Federal Government (size and function)/Entitlements

    Every one of the candidates expressed their dismay at the large (bloated) size of the Federal Government. They all (to a greater or lesser degree) supported and/or would initiate legislation to decrease the size of the Federal Government … on anything not related to defense or national security. Or education. Or law enforcement/prisons. The candidates also were in general agreement that entitlement spending must be decreased with the goal of eventually removing it from the budget (privatizing Social Security) and getting rid of the other entitlement programs all together.

    This was an area where I had some (limited) agreement with the candidates.  Our litigious society has created a bloated and overweaning Federal Government anxious to protect us on all sides.  We have created our own rubber room for ourselves and we find we do not like it.  Every time we turn around it seems there is another form to fill out to prove we are not doing or about to do something wrong.  What is up with that?  And the tax forms!!!  Ay yi yi … completely ridiculous.  The forms alone are a solid argument for a flat tax … except well, a flat tax is a regressive tax, etc. etc.  But I won’t go down that tangent.

    Paradox alert – the only initiatives any seemed to have for reducing the size of the Federal Government was to simply cut non-Defense related spending.  Just cut it and it will disappear.  They also committed to current spending levels on Social Security and to increasing spending for care of our Veterans (which I agree with, in theory).  However, Social Security and Dept of Defense spending are the TWO largest chunks of the pie at $677B and $666B, respectively.  All of the candidates committed themselves to NOT privatizing or changing Social Security in any substantive manner in the near future.  So that spending is just going to increase in the next 10 to 20 years.  It must, as the bulk of the Baby Boom generation retires.  Defense spending is always bloated and typically increases under Republican controlled Congresses.  As tighter immigration restrictions are put in place and create higher costs, Homeland Security is going to require an increased budget.  One of the proposals called for by Mike Lee (E-Verify) will cost $400 Million to implement (and I have that from an unnamed horse’s mouth).  E-Verify is one short step away from a national ID and unless I was sleeping in logic class, a national ID would require more federal interference, not less.  I’ll stick with my state driver’s license and be bothered with how much info the feds are getting from that already, thank you, kindly.

    Health Care Reform

    Most, if not all, are staunchly opposed to the healthcare reforms passed by this Congress and signed into law by President Obama (referred to disparagingly as Obamacare). They express the most concern about the provision which requires that all Americans purchase health insurance (and if they cannot afford it, it will be provided for them). There is also concern expressed about the so-called abortion clause; that is the candidates are firmly opposed to the notion that any taxpayer dollars might be used in support of abortion.

    The main problem here is that the Tea Party in particular and Republicans in general are using a flawed premise when they argue that a majority of Americans do not support President Obama’s health care law. Technically speaking, the latest poll, taken in late September, proves they are correct. Approximately 73% of Americans expressed disapproval of the law. However, what that doesn’t tell you is that that disapproval rating is almost exactly split 50-50 … “Among likely voters, 36 percent said they want to revise the law so it does more to change the health care system. A nearly identical share — 37 percent — said they want to repeal it completely.” Getting the health care reform act substantively changed or repealed is going to be much more difficult than most of these candidates have been lead to anticipate.

    What I found as I did my research is that most of the candidates were promoting many policy ideas that were very similar to the changes which were already put in place by the bill known pejoratively as Obamacare, with the exception of the part which requires people to have insurance.  Many people seem to see this as socialism, which they mistake for communism.  Communism and socialism are not equivalent, but that’s another story.

    The way I see it is kind of like this … we are afforded many rights in this country and sometimes the state steps in to make sure we take advantage of those rights. For instance, the 6th Amendment to the Constitution states: In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense. For approximately 190 years we had a free market system in operation for criminal defense. If you could afford a defense attorney you got one, if you couldn’t … well. Sometimes you got one, sometimes you didn’t. It depended on how well you knew your Bill of Rights and who you knew. This lead to the police using some fairly coercive interrogation techniques which in turn leads to questionable convictions. In 1966, the Supreme Court held that all defendants must be apprised of their Miranda rights, which include the right to defense counsel, with the classic addendum, “If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.” It behooves all of us to ensure that we all have appropriate defense counsel should the need arise. It would make a mockery of the land of the free and the home of the brave to have it filled with kangaroo courts throwing innocent and guilty alike into prison. By the same token, it behooves us all to ensure that all of us have adequate health insurance. This provides a number of benefits to all of us. First and foremost, it helps to keep all medical and insurance costs down because it keeps the playing field level. It keeps people from going to the emergency room with ordinary viruses and other ordinary medical needs because no doctor will treat them without insurance. So the emergency room staff is left to treat … emergencies and those costs will begin to stabilize as well. It will keep long term medical care costs down as well, because more illnesses will be discovered in the early (and thus more treatable) stages.

    Immigration Issues

    Immigration issues tended to be a hot button for many of the candidates, with good reason given the current atmosphere in our country. They were all opposed to any form of amnesty at all for any current undocumented alien (often referred to illegal immigrant). They were all opposed to undocumented aliens receiving any entitlements or health care. Several were in favor of very strong measures to secure the southern border to include, opening military bases, building a wall, an increased military presence, some form of electronic citizenship verification, etc. Others hinted at rescinding one or more constitutional amendments concerning states rights and how our citizenship is determined in order to remove the incentive for people to come here.

    Wow.  The very idea of repealing the 14th amendment shook me to my roots.  Then I wanted to know more.  It was presented to me by people who were just as unhinged on the left about immigration as those on the right.  So I did some digging.  It turns out that the 14th amendment is about a lot more than just citizenship (and so-called “anchor babies”).  It’s also the due process clause … that is, the amendment which holds the government liable for it’s behavior towards it’s citizens.  Now, why on earth would a group of people who are so concerned about limiting the power of government want to strip the due process amendment from the Constitution?

    I have no idea.  But I think it’s the scariest thing to come out of the Tea Party … bar none.

    There is no question that immigration issues are weighing on the minds of politicians and voters this year.  And there is no question that there is good reason for this.  We have a problem with people coming to our country without permission and staying for years under the radar.  This creates enormous problems with our infrastructure (e.g. schools, healthcare, roads, local government, utilities, etc.).  I’m not even going to suggest that the problem is anything but Gordian.  However, solutions that include  returning to their home country before a visa will be granted are untenable on their face.  Such solutions make excellent sound bytes, but I have to wonder how they will be implemented and enforced in an era of tight budget restrictions and a smaller government?

    National Defense/Terrorism

    As one would anticipate all of the candidates made strong statements concerning our national defense. They are committed to finishing the Afghanistan war and the Iraq war with strength. They are committed to our troops and to our veterans. The candidates all made statements that veteran care must improve once our soldiers return home and are no longer serving. At least one or two remain firmly committed to Israel as our ally in the Middle East.

    I am so conflicted about the unnecessary wars we fought and are fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq that I do not feel I can be nearly as objective as I would like to be on this subject. Unfortunately, our heads of Defense and Chiefs of Staff learned absolutely nothing from the Soviet experience in Afghanistan in the 70’s and 80’s and 90’s. There was a rich source of experience from which they could have drawn much, but instead we are learning the same lessons … over and over and over again to our detriment. And to the detriment of our men and women in arms. I said as much at the time, but no one listens to a suburban housewife.

    When President Bush began rattling the drums about Iraq, I said, “Mark my words, there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.” I said it here and I said in comments on several other blogs, namely discussions at Jesus Creed, only to get shot down and ignored. I was told I was a traitor for not believing the president. I was told that the ends justify the means and we should employ any means possible to take out that evil Saddam Hussein. Saddam Hussein, who spent the first third of his presidency enjoying our friendship and camaraderie. BECAUSE WE INSTALLED HIM AS PRESIDENT OF IRAQ. You see, if you do not study the history of a region, you do not know these details. But I have friends who lived it. Who lived through the Iranian Revolution of 1978-79. Who lived in Iraq under Hussein. So … yes, Hussein is gone. What dictator now reigns in his place? We have accomplished exactly nothing, it was based upon lies, Al Qaeda has gained a new recruiting ground, and a cost of ~70,000 Iraqi lives and ~4,750 American/UK lives lost and $900 Billion spent (through Sept. 2010) and their quality of life is at a shocking low.

    I don’t know what else to say … spending more and more money on defense is not the answer to our national security problems.  Shooting more and more “insurgents” (human beings with just as much “right to life” as you and I) in the Middle East is not going to make us any safer here in our beds.  In fact, in a stunning case of counter-intuition, it tends to make us less safe when we play shoot ‘em up with people who are willing to die for their cause (by strapping bombs to their chests and walking into a mall).  It feels good to be aggressive and war-like.  But the response you get from that behavior is not less war, but more.  And in an age when war is fought by guerillas and terrorists, I’d like to suggest that perhaps we should be looking for a less war response.  I’d like to suggest that saber rattling and gun-toting should be our response of last resort, not first.   Trying to lock everyone up, means that we lock ourselves up too and I do not want to live like caged bird.  My freedom is not worth much under those circumstances.

    In the end, I found while I found myself intrigued by the premises of these Tea Party candidates what I eventually decided was that they were really more emotional and more conservative versions of Republican candidates.  It was the same stuff with only a slightly different spin on it.  And as I said before, yes they are angry and so are a lot of their supporters.  A lot of what they say sounds really good and it’s really angry and really emotional.  But the reality they are probably going to accomplish very little if any of the goals they have laid out.  The primary reason for this is … their anger.  Anger is a great emotion.  It generates a lot of energy.  But the problem is it doesn’t solve problems.  And right now we’ve got an enormous number of problems to solve.  These people are trying to get elected on their ability to draw lines in the sand and become immoveable.  But that’s not going to solve our problems.  In order to do that, they are going to have to negotiate and give up some of those positions they hold dear.

    The second reason I don’t see them doing so well once they get to Washington also has to do with anger.  Anger is a secondary emotion.  It is often provoked by a more primary (or primal) emotion.  Usually that primal emotion which provokes anger is fear.  We’ve had 9 years of the media (on the right and left) and the government pushing fear at us … telling us to be afraid of everything, of our neighbors, of the cars on the road next to us, of the people on the airplanes we fly with, of the food we eat, of our government … you name it, there is someone telling you to be afraid of it.  Finally, a reaction has been provoked and that is anger.  But that anger is mis-placed.  It’s not Obama’s fault that you’re angry.  Or this Congress.  Turn off your television.  I don’t care what channel news you’re watching, turn it off.  Don’t watch any news for at least a week.  Don’t listen to any either.  If you must get some news somewhere, limit yourself to 3 articles a day from the BBC and get some different perspective on our country.   Once you stop listening/watching the news you will be amazed at how the fear and anger disappears.  And you will be ready to make a decision about who to vote for based upon your own internal principles again.  Not someone yelling at you to be afraid.  Or to be angry.

    Next.  Do your own research.  Go to the candidate’s websites.  Both of them.  Read what they have to say.  Be on guard for paradoxes and hyperbole.  Think about how will they actually do the things they want to do?  How does what they say line up with your internal principles?  Will they be able to carry it out with negotiation?  Or are they grandstanding?  Who is behind their curtain?  They all have someone … is their someone an entity you can tolerate?

    Finally.  If you’ve stuck with me this long, you have my deepest thanks and apologies.  This goes on record for the longest and most researched post I’ve ever done here at Calacirian.  My thanks for sticking with it and apologies for being so wordy.  And my apologies for any lack of objectivity … I tried really hard, but I know I failed at certain junctures.  Tomorrow – why I feel that the intersection of Christians and politics has gotten entirely too muddy and ugly.


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