Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 14
Jan 31st, 2007 by Sonja

… in which we begin to daydream about what we will purchase on that first trip back to the grocery store.

Breakfast – grilled potatoes and eggs mixed together.

Lunch – LightHusband had one of his now infamous lunch meetings. I worked out with friends so LightChildren were on their own. I had a grilled cheese sandwich upon my return before I shot off to another appointment.

Dinner – Inch-thick porkchops baked in glaze of MapleApple Drizzle, with Sweet Apple Orzo and Sugar Snap Peas on the side. It should have been wonderful and the table looked spectacular. And after 14 days on this challenge I was quite proud of this achievement …. until that first bite of pork chop …. that took five. minutes. (and some very hard work) to chew. Pork chops which have been frozen for 5 months are sort of ummmmm …. tough. So we laughed and giggled all through dinner and called them pork bricks and decided that even the LightDog might hurt his jaws on them. Then we began discussing how this whole experience might change the way we think about food and how we eat. What things we buy and where and when we eat. It was a good meal.

The cereal is all gone. I could make oatmeal, except that my homemade oatmeal requires applejuice. So that’s out. We’re down to some version of eggs or pancakes/waffles for breakfast. We still have gobs and gobs of frozen crap for lunches. We all decided that we don’t particularly care for that stuff. We won’t be purchasing it anymore.

In the main, I think we’re going to be more intentional about food. Which sounds sort of silly. But I think we’re going to go to the grocery store less often and with a list and a plan. And stick to the plan during the week. I know the LightChildren will heartily disagree with this, but there has been a lot of freedom in this challenge. There is tyranny in too many choices. Freedom may be found in just the right number of choices. This seems counter-intuitive, but it’s something I’m finding more and more often as I get a little further along in my journey of life.

Now for a random change of thought.  I was in a different from usual grocery store the other day (to purchase eggs and milk).  In this particular store the cigarettes were directly behind the cashier and the carton prices were clearly marked on brightly colored pieces of paper.  I was with BlazingEwe and we both commented on how very expensive cigarettes are.  We asked the cashier what the per pack price is.  Her answer?  $3 to $5 per pack depending on the brand.  The per carton prices were around $35 each.  We walked out astonished.  And commented on the fact that smoking is a habit that is found primarily among the working class; those who can least afford it.  They are those who can least afford the habit or the health consequences.  It just wrung our hearts.

Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 13
Jan 30th, 2007 by Sonja

… in which I think I must have lost count somewhere …

Breakfast – cereal supplies are dwindling.  We still had cereal, but I had the last crumbs of Life and we began to discuss what we would have for breakfast after the cereal runs out.

Lunch – more of the seemingly endless supplies of frozen crap

Dinner – LightHusband and LightChildren ate at hockey rink where LightGirl had practice and LightBoy had lessons.  BlazingEwe came over while the FlamingLambs also went to the rink for skating lessons with LightHusband.  She and I had leftover curried rice salad and cheddar cheese for dinner while we cut fabric for our class in February.

Nothing witty or insightful today.  Maybe we’ll take some photos.  Our shelves are getting bare.  I haven’t checked the freezer lately.  We keep using stuff and using stuff and it seems to be endless.  I would like to go shopping some day soon.

One more thing …
Jan 29th, 2007 by Sonja

I am grateful for Smaug.

Smaug, the dragonification of my depression and panic disorder. Not quite a year ago I faced a Balroc in a deep cave in the mines of Moria. For those of you who have neither read nor seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy, this will not make sense. Suffice it to say, I faced a large monster who lived in a deep, dark hole in the ground. When I turned to face it, I was standing on solid ground and thought I had sufficient weapons at my disposal with which to conquer the monster. But the ground crumbled from underneath my feet and my weapons proved fruitless. Like Gandalf in the scene from Lord of the Rings, it appeared that I had beaten the Balroc, but at the last moment, he pulled me down with him. Down into a freefall for months.

I am deeply afraid of heights. More accurately I am afraid of falling. When I approach the edge of a great precipice I have the sensation that gravity will cease to function and I will spin into space falling off the edge and down into the abyss. This is particularly problematic when we have cheap seats in large colosseums. We cannot take our seats until the seats in front of us have been sufficiently filled so that I do not feel as though I might suddenly become airborn. Believe me, I know this sounds completely ridiculous. The LightChildren and I joke about it, yet I can’t quite overcome the sensation. They both know that any foolish notions they have about bungey jumping or hang gliding or parachuting out of an airplane had best be done without their mother’s knowledge … after they are 18. Preferably after her death. There is every chance that the knowledge will cause her death. Or immediate heart failure.

The sense of freefalling was horrible.

Then, I lived. It was amazing. But I lived. I’ve come to learn a few things about things. Falling doesn’t kill me. It’s the hard stop at the end. That’s not really as silly as it sounds. Unless I really am actually falling, I don’t need to worry about it. I won’t get hurt. Virtual falling will just sort of end.

Another thing I’ve come to learn is that I live life like an amoeba. My walls are quite permeable. But I am deeply uncomfortable with that. I don’t know how to say, “No. That won’t work for me.” and make it stick, without causing all sorts of rumpus in someone else. I watch men do this all the time. They get asked to do something. They consider it. No, they decide, it won’t work for them. So they tell their questioner, “Sorry, that won’t work for me.” And the questioner moves along.

I read these words the other day and even posted them because they were so dangerous and beautiful … I’ve been re-reading them and allowing them to soak into my soul. I’ve been creeping around Smaug’s cave lately. The stench from his nostrils has been enveloping me and making it difficult for me to see clearly. I can not find the exit from the cave anymore. It stinks in here and I think I’m dying alone and in the dark.

When people want someting of me that I do not want to give, I react. React with aversion and anxiety; words like, “flight,” “get out of my inner sanctum” and more visceral feelings difficult to name rise up, and I fight the old crap within me that hinders me from calmly setting boundaries without feeling awry and dismayed, gruilty or angry for having to set them at all. I instinctively push people away when I feel they want something from me that I am not comfortable sharing or giving, when I feel their emotions, desires or needs intrude on my psychological space. Peace is disrupted and I am furious; how could so-and-so dare disrupt my peace with their feelings or perceived needs that conflict with my feelings and perceived needs? I become more angry over the disrupton of peace than whatever substantive issue triggered my internal dissonance in the first place. And then the self-hatred for being so easily thrown off course, for not being enlightened or spiritual enough to be what I intellectually understand.

Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 11
Jan 29th, 2007 by Sonja

… in which I attempt to function on 13 hours of sleep spread over 3 nights.
Breakfast – LightGirl had a sleepover Saturday night.  I don’t know what LightHusband and LightBoy had.  I was too heartsick to eat.

Lunch – frozen stuff that had been reheated

Dinner – McDonalds … see above and LightHusband was well-drugged because of some back problems.  Between the lack of sleep (me) and the drugs (him) we can’t think straight today.

BlazingEwe came over and hung out with me.  We took a therapeutic shopping trip to my/our favorite quilting store.  We’re taking a class in February and I “needed” fabric.  Well, I actually did need fabric … I just needed more today.  I breathed in deeply of the fabric endorphins and found some solace there.

Abundance
Jan 27th, 2007 by Sonja

As part of this pantry challenge, I’ve been thinking about abundance. Well, when I haven’t been scourging myself with whips of self-hatred for the hoarding habit I seem to have slipped into, I’ve been allowing a few other more productive thoughts to slip through.

One of the things my church has in abundance is women or girls named Kate. I’m friends with one of them. Well, it’s a small church, so I’m friends with all of them. We have a larger abundance of women or girls who have been named in some form after the Virgin Queen. Kate’s daughter is one of those. I love Kate’s daughter. She is quite small. One of my very favorite things about her is that she is most particular about who she will spend her valuable time with. I know that this is quite an embarassment to Kate. But I think it’s a valuable character trait and should be nurtured. Now, of course, at her young age perhaps she is not as polished as her dear mother might wish at expressing her desires. But I would love to be as clear in my mind about who is worthy of my time and who is not. She knows, very clearly, when she wants to play and that she does not want to waste her time with dorky adults. And she gives them what has become known in our church as, “the stink eye.” I love that term. I love that little girl. I love her ability to prioritize herself and have clear boundaries.

Today I’m giving myself the stink eye. I find that I need it. Sherri, my pantry pal, is asking how we might reload our pantries once we have emptied them? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself. How will we change our shopping habits? Our eating habits? Our dining habits? Then … the stink eye question comes … or will we? Will we actually allow this experience to penetrate our hard heads, concrete hearts and deeply rutted lives and cause change to occur?

The stink eye is far more winsome on a little girl than it is in my mind’s eye.

Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 10
Jan 27th, 2007 by Sonja

… in which we subliminally toss the whole thing out the window.

Breakfast – LightHusband was up and out before the rest of us awoke, but there was a telltale bowl on the table. LightChildren had cereal … I think. I believe I may have forgotten to eat a proper breakfast but did toast a remaining English muffin around 11 and had some strawberry rhubarb jam on it.

Lunch – you guessed it.

Dinner – was supposed to be fried rice. But when we pulled our 3 frozen chicken breasts from the freezer … they had been gone too long. Remember I said I’ve been faint of heart? It was the FlamingLamb twins birthday, so we went out to dinner to celebrate. We have not bought any food to add to our pantry. But we may be out of the competition. I’ll leave that one up to the judges.

Today is the big retreat day. I’m making bean soup, curried rice salad and corn bread for lunch. I’m making some changes to the bean soup recipe because we do not have tomato-vegetable soup. So I’m using chili sauce and chicken broth with additional herbs and spices. Since I’ve never made this before I have no expectations.

Dinner will be frozen lasagna with homemade bread. I’m also making bread pudding with hard sauce. Afternoon snack will be scones and coffee.

I love bread machines.

Tomorrow I may just collapse.

Update:  at breakfast this morning … LightHusband, “Last of the juice!”  LightBoy, “One step closer to FAST FOOD!!!!”

Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 9
Jan 26th, 2007 by Sonja

… in which I feel faint of heart.

Breakfast – cereal again. We’re running quite low. LightGirl confided in me that she does not particularly care for instant oatmeal (that we have 2 or 3 boxes of). She really prefers my homemade version. Too …. Bad.

Lunch – more frozen garbage from hell Schwans. I had a Design Team meeting in the evening which means my dinner is taken care of and the rest of the family can have leftover Beef Soup before hockey practice. LightGirl ate the. last. containerofapplesauce which I was lusting after to put on a piece of gingerbread. I’m still bitter about this. I will not reveal how petty I am to my daughter. But she will pay for her gluttony. Or something. She will have to eat instant oatmeal.

Dinner – Design Team meeting at which was served a SALAD from which emanated beams of light and a chorus of angels and cheese fondue (also very very good) into which we dunked bread AND apples. I was especially fond of the apples. LightHusband and Children had leftover Beef Soup and loved it again. It is good. LightBoy thinks I got the recipe from “colonial days.” I told him I made it up. I soared in his eyes. In about a year I’m going to bump my arse with him … but it’s nice right now.

I would quit now. Except I’m pretty sure we haven’t learned what we need to learn yet. We’re not done. I don’t know how I’ll know. But I will know when we’re done. Or. We will run out of food. Or. We will get scurvy or something horrible.

That’s all I have for today.

Soooo … Now What?
Jan 25th, 2007 by Sonja

cartoon from www.weblogcartoons.comCartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 9
Jan 25th, 2007 by Sonja

… in which we process steadily onward.

Breakfast – cereal.  Supplies are beginning to run low.  I had biscuits leftover from the previous night’s dinner with jam and a glass of milk.

Lunch – LightGirl and LightHusband were perfidious and had trashy frozen things.  LightBoy loves his mother and remembered the leftover soup.  I forgot to eat lunch.  I was making gingerbread.

Dinner – we attempted to make fried rice, but searched high and low for the cover to the rice cooker.  So LightHusband redeemed his earlier perfidy by making something … it included tortellini, previously prepared chicken bits, mixed veggies (broccoli, carrots and water chestnuts?), and spill of dried cilantro all tossed together with sesame ginger dressing.  We called it Cilantro Surprise.

Then we watched the NHL All Star hockey game and ate popcorn.  We drank pomegranate spritzers with our popcorn … san Pellegrino with pomegranate juice.  We are so poor and destitute.  Bleh.  This is turning into a self-hatred event for me.  Perhaps I need to drop out now.

The gingerbread was delicious.  I’ve found a yummy dessert for our Saturday mini-retreat.  I need to find something fun for an afternoon snack … I’m sure I will.  I have a can of pumpkin in the pantry; maybe pumpkin bread or pumpkin muffins.  I also know we have mounds and mounds of frozen appetizer treats.  Ugh.  More self-hatred.

Comestible Consumption Competition – Day 8 Update
Jan 24th, 2007 by Sonja

… in which I begin to embrace the reality of my packratting ways.

Breakfast – cereal all around. Yes, we still have cereal. Yes, I am still hoarding the “Life.” Yes, I am the evil Mommy.

Lunch – after the great freezer purge and reorganize we all had various frozen treats that were reheated in the microwave. I had chicken potpie. We have many, many chicken pot pies. The LightChildren had single serve lasagnas.

Dinner – homemade beef & barley soup with Schwan’s Southern Style biscuits. Finished one bag (three more to go) This is terrible. LightBoy made cookies for dessert. There is enough leftover soup for another meal and several single servings.

From what I understand we are down to three now. Sherri, Steve and me/us. As my AwakeFriend pointed out to me with his characteristic wiseacre grin, the winner here is really the biggest loser. Whoever wins, we both agreed, is the one who’s been hoarding the most food and who wants to cop to that? So this contest is now beginning to give me a stomache-ache. Do I really want my nasty little hoarding habits hung out on a limb for all to see? I know I hoard fabric, but that doesn’t cause anyone else to go to sleep hungry, does it? Or does it? I’m not so sure any more.

It has made LightHusband happy. Our outflow in the cash department has all but ceased. Good for the bank account. Hmmm … there are some good lessons there. Lessons that I hoped we’d learn. But will they hold? That remains to be seen. Is it wise to help our bank account? What does that do to the local economy? That’s no excuse to spend wildly, but what does it do to the economy for everyone to become thrifty?

Well, the aforementioned AwakeFriend is coming for coffee and I might have mentioned some gingerbread. So I’m going to rustle some up and ponder these large questions of life.

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