Sometimes I Really Am An Ent
Mar 16th, 2010 by Sonja

As regular readers of this blog may be aware, I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Loved the books and loved the movies.  I still read the books from time to time.  And watch the movies over and over again.  But I guess I don’t need to tell any of you that.

One of my very favorite scenes in either books or movies is the scene between Merry, Pippin and Treebeard where the hobbits are trying their very best to convince the ent that the ents must join with the forces of men, elves, hobbits and dwarves against the orcs in this epic battle.  It takes them quite a bit of convincing just to get Treebeard to move.  But he finally decides that meeting would be a good idea and off he went for an interminably long meeting.  He came back to make a report after days … literally, days … of talking.  His report?  “Weeeeee haaave decided.  Yoooouuuuu aaaarrrrrreeee noooooot Orcs.”

The look of dismay, mixed with disgust, need and something else on Merry and Pippin’s faces was priceless.  I love that moment.  It is such an amazing clash of cultures and paradigms.  Each learning how to interact with the other.

Yesterday morning, I was brushing my teeth, washing my face, getting dressed and mulling over some long standing issues in my life.  By long standing, I mean they’ve been sitting out there for about three or four years.  So I mulled and thought and came to some resolution about how I wanted to moved.  I finished up, went downstairs and said to LightHusband, “I’ve made a decision.”  He looked at me with a grin, “What?  I’m not an orc?”  I laughed and replied, “Well, I’ve known you’re not an orc for 20 years now.  But I’ve decided that there are some people who are orcs to me.  Or at least I need to treat them that way … sort of.  For me to be healthy.”  He arched a brow and said, “You mean I got it right?  You really are an ent?”  “Yes, I really am an ent.”

I went on make the following explanation.  Well.  My explanation to him was similar.  But not the same.

I’ve spent the last three years playing the part of Lot’s wife.  Sometimes I wonder about that story.  I remember reading about it in some popular literature when I was younger.  There was speculation that the weapon of destruction for Sodom was a nuclear bomb and Lot’s wife died of radiation.  But I think she was turned to stone from grief.  Grief can stop us in our tracks and turn us to stone and the operative action that causes it is “turning back.”  Lot’s wife turned back, and her tears turned her into a pillar of salt.  That has been my reality for far too long now.

I have allowed myself to look back and pine for what was, what can never be and what I wish for.  I doubt they ever will be and my wishing my life away is not healthy for me or anyone else involved.  So my quilts will be for those who I am in active contact with at this time.  That means people I see and talk to on the telephone … who know what is going on in my life beyond Facebook and Twitter statuses (stati?).  To those of you reading this who have gone down that road (and you know who you are), choosing to believe your church leaders about us and thinking you might still love us is no longer possible.  It is time to stop looking back.

Those of you who would like to remain in relationship with us, you will need to be able to talk with us openly about that horrible time in our lives and hear our pain without denying it or taking it away from us.  It is a wound that continues to bleed and tear at our souls.  You will need to be unafraid of picking up the phone and calling us or writing us an old-fashioned e-mail now and then.  More now than then.  In short, you will have to desire a relationship with us that requires something of you.  So … I am going to un-Friend you on Facebook and Twitter.  And sever those tenuous ties with you.  I need to move forward.  I need to release myself from the grip that era has on my mind and my soul.

Because sometimes … people who are not orcs, really do have an orc-like effect on others.  And then they need to be kept at a distance if one is to remain healthy and on the road to happy without “looking back” and turning into a pillar of salt.

HerStory Month
Mar 3rd, 2010 by Sonja

It’s Women’s History Month here in the U.S. of A.

I wonder if there are any people of color who are equally irked by African-American History month?  I mean, I understand the motivation behind having these once a year months to focus on here-to-for underserved populations in our midst.  But …

But there is something about the idea of having  the dominant population “allow” a month for women’s history or african-american history or whatever history that is vaguely unsettling.  Because if the culturally dominant population is still in a position to allow this, then they are also in a position to take it back.  Which means … they still hold all the power.  I would very much like those scales to be more in balance in terms of race and gender one day so that ML King, Jr.’s dream will really come true for all of us.

So … for me, it’s HerStory month.  This isn’t about HisStory.  We get to hear HisStory pretty frequently.  So here in the Ravine I’m going to be telling some stories about women this month.  Women in the long ago and maybe some women in the near and dear.

For starters take a look at a couple of things that lead up to this month:

Our women in the Olympics

There were Lindsey Vonn and Julia Mancuso  – alpine events.

Hannah Teeter and Kelly Clark – halfpipe (snowboard)

Hannah Kearney and Shannon Bahrke – moguls

Meryl Davis (with Charlie White) – ice dancing

Lana Gehring, Alyson Dudek, Allison Baver and Katherine Reutter – short track speed skating

Erin Pac and Elana Meyers – bobsled

21 Valiant women on the US Women’s Hockey Team

Katherine Reutter – short track speed skating

and these were only the medal winners.  We sent dozens of other female athletes, trainers and moms to the Games.  They all have a story to tell.  Of sacrifice and love and joy and pain and passion and fierce dedication.  Stories that are not unlike ours.

So I will back throughout the month with more stories, ideas and maybe even a book review or two.  Stay tuned.

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