Where Am I?
October 10th, 2007 by Sonja

I don’t know.

The grand living room project won’t get finished. It made me angry at about the sixth coat of red. And I got tired. So now it’s waiting for the trim to be painted. I need to finish it.

The whole house is in shambles. It feels as though the monsters got out from under the beds and had a rumpus like the one in Where The Wild Things Are.

LightHusband’s parents, siblings and families are coming for Thanksgiving (40 some odd days from now). And the house is in shambles … rumpused, as it were.

Worse than that, I am rumpused. I am torn and lost and tattered by the events of the past year. Grief continues to assail me at the worst possible times. Smaug is generally quiet. I can do all the things a functioning adult is supposed to do. But I am sad and tired.

Every so often the thought of sneaking into the back of a church for a service crosses one of our minds. It would be good to be amongst the faithful again for a little while. But I cannot bear the rape of my soul that goes along with it.

So the droughth continues.


5 Responses  
  • Erin writes:
    October 10th, 200711:06 amat

    Hey. Here’s a hug for Sonja. I sent you an e-mail.

           
  • cindy writes:
    October 10th, 200711:35 amat

    i wonder if the stages of home improvement projects mimic the stages of grief. i’m wondering because i almost always go through an anger stage as well. it starts with denial- no, this won’t be hard, it won’t take long, it will be a cinch. then comes the anger- dang! it IS hard, it IS taking a long time, it IS affecting my home life…
    i’m sorry. i’ve been there with the painting.

           
  • sherri writes:
    October 10th, 200712:25 pmat

    You’re in the dreaded middle–at least middles are the place I least like to be. I know that during renovation projects the thought of burning or blasting my house did come to mind. I don’t like myself in the middle. I’m neither farsighted enough to look toward the end, nor energetic enough to remember why I began. But the good thing about middles is they do have an end and a beginning, even if you can’t see it…hang in there…

           
  • Patrick writes:
    October 10th, 20072:53 pmat

    Nothing like a good book to help de-rumpus a person. 😀

           
  • Julie Clawson writes:
    October 10th, 200710:27 pmat

    I’m sorry. and I understand. I cleaned my bathroom today for the first time, in well, let’s just say months. Sometimes life takes over…

           


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