“I Was Afraid Of My Big Fat Butt”
January 15th, 2009 by Sonja

“Well … I was!”  That’s what BlazingEwe said to me yesterday as she tried on my dress.  “I didn’t think my butt would fit in that dress.”

“I knew it would.” I assured her.  As is usual for us, we were sharing clothes in a fashion emergency.

What could possibly be a fashion emergency for two 40+ suburban moms with not too much on our minds?

I’ll tell you what.

Last minute tickets to an inaugural ball … that’s what.

BossManDan gave LightHusband his four tickets to the Texas State Society Black Tie and Boots Inaugural Ball.  As a lifelong Republican, he would not be very interested in celebrating the inauguration this year.  But he knew we would be, so he gave the tickets to us.  Yippee!  He’s a very good friend.

It’s a fashion emergency because neither of BlazingEwe nor I have ever been to a black tie affair.   Never anticipated it either.  So neither of us happen to have a ball gown hanging in our closets.  We also happen to have a certain zaftig, curvy … full-blown figure.  Hers is more hour-glass or pear-shaped.  I’m more of the apple variety.  Together, we make a nice fruit salad with our nutty husbands.

Generally speaking, we’re not so happy about this state of affairs.  But we’re not so unhappy that we’d actually do anything more than complain to each other about it.  Most days we can find clothes that we like and feel beautiful in.  This day was not that day.  Just try finding ball gowns for a certain zaftig figure …

They make polyester, shiny flour sacks and put a few baubles on them.  And charge about $200 for them.  To make you look fatter than you already are.  Don’t even fool yourself that anyone will make a silk gown in that certain size.  What kind of fool are you to think you can be zaftig AND beautiful AND dress in silk?

Being beautiful is only for thin folks.  As the saying goes … you can never be too rich or too thin.

But I tend to be stubborn and willful and have this insane desire to tilt at windmills.  Reading Don Quixote in Spanish in 11th grade didn’t help.  So I decided to make my dress.  And I am.  I found some gorgeous emerald green dupioni and a beautiful matching print silk organza.  I might even have time to make LightHusband a matching green bowtie to wear with his tuxedo.

But what would BlazingEwe wear?  Then I remembered the dress I’d bought for the company Christmas party and never worn (because it was too much and my back was in full spasm by then).  It had shown up on the “evening gown” page of the on-line store where I’d purchased it.  But it was not evening gown material for me … I’m too tall and it would not be long enough.  BlazingEwe though?  She tried it on and sure enough.  It fit.

I’m thinking though about this dearth of beautiful clothing made from natural fibers for larger women.  It might be a windmill worth tilting at.

9 Responses  
  • grace writes:
    January 15th, 200912:14 pmat

    I hope you will post pictures.

  • Maria writes:
    January 15th, 200912:30 pmat

    I’m not sure what’s impressing me more — scoring inaugural tickets or making your own gown! WOw! Waiting for the pictures!

  • Sonja writes:
    January 15th, 200912:53 pmat

    hehehehe … yes … the evening will be well photo-documented, of that you may be sure. And I will post a few here.

    As for scoring ball tickets. They really were a gift. Completely unanticipated and unlooked for. It helps that we don’t have a litmus test for our friends and they come in all stripes. We have a bloody tongue every once in a while, but I’m sure they do too.

  • Jarred writes:
    January 15th, 20091:18 pmat

    I hear you there! Larger men face a similar problem. Oh, we’re okay in the formal wear department, as we have stores that specialize in that sort of thing. But if you want more casual clothing that’s on the trendy side, then you better hope you don’t require anything above a 38 waist or XL. (And to be honest, even that’s pushing your luck.)

    I look forward to seeing the pictures.

  • Sally writes:
    January 15th, 20091:21 pmat

    sighs… I can’t sew, so making would be out, as would ball gowns, me being of a certain size… maybe I need a fairy godmother.

    Hope you had a great time!!!

  • Erin writes:
    January 15th, 20099:03 pmat

    Fabulous!!! What an excellent deal, on all counts! Hope it is a wonderful event.

    I think the only formal attire I have ever owned is my wedding gown.

  • Doug Jones writes:
    January 16th, 200912:35 pmat

    THAT ROCKS!!!! Have a blast and remember that husband of yours needs to don cowboy boots and a cowboy hat to you know… be appropriately enculturated with the texans… and well have a great time!!!

  • Sheila writes:
    January 16th, 20097:42 pmat

    That’s really cool! Remember that y’all is singular and all y’all is plural. I’m really glad that we don’t live there anymore.

  • Ravine of Light I Was Afraid Of My Big Fat Butt | Insomnia Cure writes:
    June 9th, 20097:20 pmat

    […] Ravine of Light I Was Afraid Of My Big Fat Butt Posted by root 1 day 2 hours 52 minutes ago (http://www.calacirian.org) So neither of us happen to have a ball gown hanging in our closets comment by doug jones january 16 2009 12 35 pm that really cool powered by wordpress and the artsemerging theme by nathaniel stern Discuss  |  Bury |  News | Ravine of Light I Was Afraid Of My Big Fat Butt […]

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